Hellissa and the Palm Tree

I am the official plant waterer of Badvertiser. I feel it is a grave responsibility; perhaps the gravest bestowed upon me at Badvertiser. If a plant dies, its helpless, innocent chlorophyll is on my hands.

To ensure a full and happy life for my flora friends, I usually water them and spray them with this spray bottle:

This morning, I am spraying the palm tree that over the weekend had been moved to Hellissa’s corner of the office.

For the record, I had nothing to do with the move, especially in light of my suspicion that she hates palm trees; the last thing I need is another conference room trick question session from Lenny and Hellissa about palm tree placement in the office.

Head buried in her cubicle, I hear Hellissa say, “Okay, this is not going to work for me.”

She hasn’t turned away from her computer, so I assume she is muttering to herself about something project-related. But, proving me wrong, she continues: “Isn’t there anywhere else in the office you can put this stupid plant?”

I could understand her perturbation if predatorial noises accompanied each fine mist of water from my alligator spray bottle—but I am astonished that the quiet spray action has prompted her to unleash her hatred on me.

Thus, my initial suspicion was a keen one; Hellissa does indeed hate palm trees.

So, to avoid future confrontations with Hellissa, I have begun compiling a list of thing that she hates:

Palm trees
Cupcakes
Champagne
Me