My Fake-Job CV

I've about half an hour left of fake-work at Badvertiser, but I won't be done for the day. I'll be going to job #4 tonight, another one of my many fake-jobs.

I think this is a good opportunity for me to recap my fake-job titles, followed by a brief summary of my qualifications.

1. Badvertiser. This blog is a thorough account as to why I should be getting fired immediately. Totally Unqualified: 'nuff said.
2. Alpana Bawa. Alpana is a clothing designer who I used to serve at Cafe Gypsy. I tend to her shop on Saturdays. I take this job the most seriously, but must admit that after 6pm on Saturday, I have a tendency to invite girlfriends over with promises of a stoop bacchanalia--never to the detriment to the shop, though. Fairly Unqualified: I don't know how to take people's measurements, nor use a credit card machine, nor anything about fabrics.
3. English Tutoring. My student, Jason, takes me out to dinner, buys me drinks, buys me tickets to shows, and pays me $20 an hour. Totally Unqualified: I've never worked for an escort service, nor do I have any pedagogical background.
4. Muse. I sit around while an old Irish dude takes topless pictures of me. Other duties include moving extremely heavy tables while topless, having a hot cup of Irish breakfast tea and biscuits while topless, etc. Somewhat Unqualified: I prefer not to lift objects weighing over 50 lbs.

Well... off to work!